So these posts are going to be a little out of order. I just have this question that I need help with so it's going first. I have a list of things to blog about, but as you know there's this thing that keeps getting in the way -- life!
So here's my question: How do I know when he's flirting flirting or just friendly flirting?
What's the difference you ask? Well.....I have a lot of friends who are just big flirts....ok ok myself included. We'll say all these little flirty complimentary things to make someone feel good, to smile, to flirt back, cuz it's fun - You know just silly little flirty things that are not necessarily intended to be romantic. (Though some little flirtations have surprised me and turned into 3yr relationships.)
Then there's the heavy duty flirty - the looking up through the eye lashes, the pouty lip etc etc (don't wanna give away all my tricks hehe - that will be another post lol) These are the get over here and kiss me flirts.
Now - guys and girls tend to be very different flirts. I can read a girl pretty easy and know if she's seriously interested / could go either way / just having fun but don't ask her out. This helps my guy friends a lot when they don't have a clue how they should proceed.
But with guys!! I'm clueless I'm afraid. I've been told that guys are a little more straight forward and will just ask out - this is not true at all in my case.....with the 3yr exception - the guys that have asked me out have required a huge sign on my part - some even needed it to be in neon!!
Well I don't wanna turn it on if the guy isn't interested - helllloooo awkward. And even though I can get over it fast and move on, they usually think that I am desperately in love with them and am pining by the phone for hours on end. PA-LEASE!! Yeah I may FB stalk you, but that's just for fun and to make me feel better when you're not dating anyone as cute as I. ;) (please know I'm kidding about the cute comparison - mostly ;) hehe)
Anyway.....how do I know when to turn up the heat??
Example - there is a friend of mine that I see regularly. We don't really hang out but we see each other in a social arena. He is definitely A-group. And you know how shy I get around A-group. Well, he keeps making little jokes about me not dating him. And he always asks if I'm seeing someone. (He's totally gonna know I'm talking about him if he reads this LOL - oh well - what can you do? - oh yeah not write. hmmmm) He's pretty "cool" in his personality so it's hard to tell if he's testing the waters or if he's just flattering me. Either way is completely fine for me. I enjoy the flattery and I wouldn't be opposed to going out should he ask.
So do I turn up the heat anyway just a little and see what he does?.....or is it a pretty safe bet that there's nothing really there on his end?
As I'm writing this I'm thinking back on my past "relationships" / "whatever you callems" and realized that in fact what I've done in the past to get things rolling is to turn up the heat a bit and see if something simmers. This was always because they seemed to respond well to my friendly flirting. The trick/problem is I don't want to scare the boy away if he's not interested cuz I'm cool with being just friends. In fact I'm a slow mover when it comes to romance. I just know how "freaked out" boys can get. So how do I know if he's looking for a sign from me?
So my theory - small degrees - test the water and if he seems comfy up it a little, if he responds in kind, add a little more.....and if he doesn't seem comfy - the next time I see him keep it WWWAAAYYY casual and brief.
What do you all think?
My friends have always said I'm clueless when a guy is interested. I really never think they are and it usually surprises me.
I've also been told I'm a little intimidating to ask out - which is why they need the SIGN with flashing lights.
Well I am willing to take on some of the responsibility. I just need to know.
Next time we'll talk about the intimidation factor - today let's just figure out if he's even interested. :)
He's intimidated by you for some reason. Ask him out... just something simple though.. coffee maybe. He's basically just waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteHey Sammy, long time. Truth be told, you are a very beautiful woman & that alone is intimidating to most men. My opinion, if you like him, let him know you're safe to pursue by "turning it up a little". Neither of the sexes likes rejection so your increased flirting, if he's not totally dense, will tell him it's OK to proceed. If he's interested, he "should" follow suit. After my hubby and I had our first date I didn't hear from him for a few days so I asked him out. We've been married just over 6 years now. It's OK for women to make the first move just make sure he does the chasing.
ReplyDeleteMost guys are as dense as rock! I ought to know, I am one (a guy, not a rock). We do not get the subtle signals. This Seinfeld skit tells it all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4cEhLHrZcE. If you are interested in this guy, you will have to wave it in his face. Ask him to do something with you that only a dating couple would do. Such as: dinner, not lunch or coffee (too friend zone); coming to your home to watch some rented movies (he's not a serial rapist, right?), not let's go see a movie together (see above friend zone); etc.. If you're afraid of rejection, you can always go the roundabout way. Say "I've been dying to try this new restaurant" or "I really want to see this recently released movie" and see if he bites. If you get him into the proper setting and he's interested, you'll soon know it. Good luck! Signed, a Rock.
ReplyDeletethank you so very much for your comments!!!! I'm sorry I've been away. Unfortunately I had to leave the dating scene for a bit to deal with a loss.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your insight!!
It sounds to me like you all three think it's appropriate to make a little move, be a little more bold. I was worried about removing the chase factor, but I think you're right, it doesn't necessarily take all of the effort out from him. He still has to bring his A-game right?
I like the hint roundabout way. Unfortunately recently I started a roundabout suggestion, he started to play along and I got nervous and quickly changed the subject and made it more casual. Sounds like I need to step out of my own way!! lol!!
OK - with your encouragement I'm going for it....will blog about it later. :)
DJ - btw thank you, that is very sweet of you. What's funny is I don't see it that way, so it never occurs to me that that's a factor. :)